An Actual Sentence Spoken To (Or Near) Me Today Thread

A coworker was overheard 'explaining' the origin of the idiom "watered down":

He seriously believes that back in ye olde days that the average town had walk-on scales of a size to accomodate cattle? and that is just one thing that I can think of that is wrong with that reasoning. WTF?!

 

I was reading two-star Amazon reviews of an Autobiography.
Some idiots review:

Too much me.me.me.

 

Shopping mall parking lot: at a distance of about 20 yards, my wife and I saw the sweet young blonde we know from the fitness center, and I waved at her.

She did a double-take, finally recognized us, and then smiled and waved. Over the parking lot traffic, she yelled, "Sorry! I'm just not used to seeing you both with your clothes on!!!"

A co-worker walked by me with a wink, a grin, and a thumbs-up.

 

Me pushing my cart out into the aisle in a supermarket, didn’t see older gentleman, I stop short...

OG- mumblemumblemubledirtylook
Me- sorry
OG- mumblemumblekeepswalking
Me- but did you die?

 

Having lunch at the very crowded vegan burger place inside of Whole Foods.

Tiny little girl as pale as snow with giant dreadlocks sitting across from me...

Her - "This burger is fucking gross! It tastes way too much like meat!"
Me - Isn't that the point of eating a vegan burger though? Because it tastes like meat?
Her - No! We want it to look like meat but taste like vegetables and beans.
Girl next to her - Who the fuck is we? I eat here because I miss meat. If I wanted to taste vegetables I wouldn't be paying $15.95 for this fucking thing when a real burger costs $3 bucks. .

 

I keep reading peoples quotes on threads that I shouldn't, like this...

"Even though humans are living things (living breathing organisms) Humans are not animals! Fact! Period! "

Besides the main thought (rejection of thought) I love that period gets an exclamation point.

 

Hahahahahahaha.

Fucking white people with dreads.

@Waterbear did she smell like patchouli?

 

Weed is totally legal here so everything within 10 miles of the University just smells like a skunk. Which is actually preferable to how all these pseudo hippies smelled before weed was legal.

 

In Denver we call them trustafarians..

 

Her: My girlfriend and I will fuck you 7 days a week but I will never be your girlfriend.

Him: Can we at least have dinner together?

Her: Maybe

 

‘Vicar, Humanist or Celebrant?’

Oh brother!

 

Is there really a difference of any of these titles?

 

Big difference . . , God-botherer, Tree-hugger or someone that sounds like they belong in the Hunger Games . . . who’d you want presiding over your funeral?

 

None of the above.

You?

 

Walking into a huge Asian mall with my 10 year old cousin to get some bubble tea and a bowl of pho and to let him pick out a toy for his Birthday.

My little cousin stops and takes a deep breathe then says... "This place smells like a martial arts movie and I love it!"

 

Not spoken and not sure if actual sentence, but still:

 

"We don't have the energy to make ourselves relevant"
...said during a discussion re. keeping up with software upgrades and life in general

 

I can sympathise with this. The strength of Japanese cinema for the most part has definitely weakened this decade outside of mainstays like Koreeda and Sono. Previously known auteurs have all been releasing their weakest stuff during this current timeline. Japanese citizens themselves assign it to reviews being overly positive for everything that is released over there. I think Korea is the current champ of modern Asian cinema.

Anyway, a good exchange I heard lately:
Boy: "So who was his Father?"
Girl: "Darth Vader!"
Boy: "Oh."

 

Being a high school teacher I get a lot of weird shit asked and said to me during the day.
Yesterday was a little above the norm.
A boy asked me (for a friend) How many times is too many times to jerk off.
I said, Tell your friend that if his wiener hurts, he's done it too many times.

 

more like something i read on the way to work. " MY CAR GETZ THEM THOTZ WET " on the back of a Chrysler 200 SMDH.

 

the kid: "I read about this thing on reddit..."
me: "You read something on reddit?!"
the kid: "Well... I mean I watched a youtuber read something on reddit."

 

"It's not exactly a quarter. It's more like a half of a half."