An Actual Sentence Spoken To (Or Near) Me Today Thread

Similarly, overheard at the local Family Dollar...

Spoiler

Do you want to come cuddle with me tonight? Do you want me to White Castle your asshole?

 

well it was last week... and i overheard it...

freshly graduated HS kids on their "senior trip" to Honolulu, were in a ABC store... short dude talking to his taller friend, points to Angry Orchard Apple cider... "Dude ever had one of these Angry orchards? They are MY SHITTTTTTTTTT" meanwhile while I have some Saporro in my hand waiting to pay. All I could think about is 1) why admit to have drinking a Angry Orchard. 2) Why love them so much that that is your GO TO DRINK when you are able to get someone to buy you alcohol since you are under age.

 

Overheard at the library and I completely agree.

"You either die a hero, or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain, just like The Simpsons."

 

60 year old couple dressed in American Flag covered shirts: "Do you sell Funko Toys?"
Me: "We sell a few Dory and Secret Life of Pets"
Couple indignantly: "you don't have Trump?"
Me: Silently walk away

 

Son won a poop emoji pillow at an arcade that is a hat too.

"My poop looks good on your head, don't worry, mines not the kind of poop that sticks"
......and countless others. It's been 3 days of poop jokes. I hate that poopie pillow.

 

Overheard a 50 something female coworker just exclaim to another coworker
"Jesus, how far do you want me to bend over!?"

 

Overheard in a US supermarket last week . . .

'What you lookin' at coleslaw for man! We don't need no goddamn coleslaw . . . we got fried chicken and weed!'

 

Welcome to 'Murica, Andy!

 

Andy, round here if you take the "C" out of cocaine...Its Meth.

 

"You like that Japanimation stuff?" Yeah ppl are still calling it that. lol

 

I don't see the humour in that. That's a completely valid and rational statement.


Unfortunately I can't really argue with the fact that a significant percentage of the U.S. populace are, in fact, complete idiots.

Still, you will never have the chance to try my delicious fried chicken with your shitty attitude.

 

That's interesting.....down here we call it Ocaine.

 

Overheard, So I guess a meteor shower is/was tonight. Some guy was stated disappointedly" To much light pollution, I can't see any shooting stats." ...umm yeah to much light pollution, you are standing under a street lamp, in the middle of a large city.

 

I'm excited, driving down to Delaware today. Not just anyplace Delaware... Bumfuck middle of nowhere Delaware. METEORSSSSS!!!
Well, if the rain doesn't hit again.

 

"i'm gonna knock that mustache off your face" - 5 year old incoming kindergartner when i told him to start lining up after recess. monkey bars is serious business.

 

Men don't have expiration dates Chris, unfortunately women do....

 

"Most times there's something wrong on something when it needs to be fixed".....uh, ok Mr Rocket Surgeon sir....