The Moog

"I bought an iPod. It can either hold 5,000 songs or 1 telephone message from my Mother." - Steven Wright

"It was the first time i was ever in love, and i learned a lot. Before that, i had never even thought about killing myself." - Steven Wright

"in school they told me practice makes perfect, then they told me nobody's perfect . . . so i stopped practicing." - Steven Wright

"THERE IS A HEPPY LEND - FURFUR A-WA-A-A-AY". - Krazy Kat

"I gotta read it again, because my mind is just a piece of shit this morning." - Winnebago Man

"Some with air rifle, some with gutty, and some with bendy stick, for shitty-shotty." - Lovejoy

outbid on YJA again, grumble grumble.

"You better take that back, you Electro ponce." - Howard Moon (Jazz Maverick)

"No one listens to Jazz. Science teachers and the mentally ill, that's all Jazz is for." - Vince Noir

"Howdy. I'm gonna separate your head from your shoulders. Hope you don't mind none." - Severen

"Do you like oily grapefruit?" - The Greasy Strangler

"I don't accessorize. I'm Howard Moon. There's a simple truth to me." - Howard Moon

I'm going to see Richard Herring perform stand-up comedy in 2hrs. Fun, Larks & Knob-gags. Oh yesh . . .

"Goth Juice. The most powerful hairspray known to man. Made from the tears of Robert Smith." - Vince Noir

Scored a vintage Rosebud 'Teddy Bear Sheriff' MIB for £5 today and nobody bid against me. The world has gone mad . . . .

Just watched Trainspotting 2 and enjoyed it very much. Spud steals the show. Fun flick.

"I have no sense of decency - that way, my other senses are enhanced." - Bob 'Bulldog' Briscoe

"I wear a necklace, cause I wanna know when I'm upside down." - Mitch Hedberg

"The reason people use a crucifix against vampires is because vampires are allergic to bullshit." – Richard Pryor

"Babies are like poems. They're beautiful to their creator, but to other people they're silly and fucking irritating." - Doug Stanhope

"I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance." – Steven Wright

"It took me ten years of playing serial killers and rapists to be perceived as a serious actor amongst the Japanese public" – Takeshi Kitano

“The problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts, while the stupid ones are full of confidence.” - Bukowski

"Hello, this is Lemmy and you're listening to 'Tell 'Em Steve Dave' which is a very confusing name, and i hate it". - Lemmy Kilmister

"All this strolling about is getting too arbitrary by half – I'm rapidly losing my grip. From now on reason will prevail." – Guildenstern