I'm not talking about the high school stuff. I need help with late 30's everything is falling apart stuff. I also have no money...anyone been there have any ideas? Please.
Hey, I'm 48, and gone through this a couple of times, one was work related (company I worked at for 15years closed it's doors) and I've gone through a divorce 11 years ago. The thing to do, and it sounds strange but realign yourself with your family, I mean like your mom & dad, brothers , sisters whatever you have, and use their support to help you through it. When this type of thing hits, it's like the whole world comes crashing down on you, and there's no way to get out from under it. If family is not a option, let your friends in on what is going on. You can't really deal with this alone, if all else fails see a counselor. The main thing is not to let it stay bottled up inside but to talk about it to someone else. And if you drink DON'T That was the mistake I made, and it made the situation worse. Good luck and keep me posted, it really sucks to go through this. Frank
I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through a bad patch. I battle with depression on a regular basis (even though I probably use the most smileys on the board). I'd try and seek some professional help. If you have any sort of health insurance, you might consult with a counselor or psychiatrist. Although some people are against taking medication to deal with depression, it's helped me. If you don't have access to professional help, do as tinman suggests, and open up about it with friends and family. People can be pretty clueless about how others are feeling inside, and despite how you think you might look, your friends and family might be completely unaware. The biggest piece of advice from is to not be afraid to ask for help... whether it be spiritual, financial, or otherwise. When things seem bleak, just asking for a little help can do wonders. Please don't try to go through it alone...
Hey puppetbrain, don't know what the source of your depression is but my advice would be to have fun and talk more. If u're not working then find a job, any job. Keep busy, find something u really love to do and focus on that. NEVER stay cooped up and feeling sorry for everything. It's u're life and u can totally take control. There are low & high points throughout life, just gotta tough it out. Whatever happens happens, stay cool and never give up.
Well I just got a job but it's crap and not anything I really want to do. Basically my Mom is struggling with Cancer, my girlfriend broke up with me because I was trying to start a toy store and didn't provide enough money, I have to move out in 2 weeks and have nowhere to go, and the toys I love so much I am selling because they helped cause the end of my relationship. I also have 1 friend here and nowhere else to turn. I don't have insurance because of the said new job and I just am at a loss.
the problem with REAL depression is that it inhibits you from deriving pleasure out of anything AT ALL. Your brain chemistry makes having fun and doing normal things impossible. Loco, that's great that meds have helped you...but I have to report that being on various anti-depressants have turned someone very close to me from a normally functioning, bright, fun individual into a true suicidal threat. While this only happens to a percentage of people that take meds, it's not yet understood by the medical community therefore a risk to anyone that decides to use them. Puppetbrain, best of luck to you and if you can still function in a normal fashion, try to fight it without resorting to anti-depressants...
While I am aware that certain numbers of people react negatively to certain meds, it's irresponsible to suggest that people are better off not investigating that as an option. The proper method of taking meds is to be under the care of a trained professional who knows what signs to be aware of should things not go smoothly. I'm sorry to hear that your friend had a bad experience, but I hope they are feeling better and receiving the appropriate care and support. PB, I'm sorry that things have spiraled into the situation you're in... I think taking all that on at once would be more than anyone would be able to handle on their own. I hope things will turn around for you... look for anything good as sign of things improving. It can be intimidating to feel like you have to climb back up after all that, but if you take it one step at a time, it might not seem so daunting.
hey, Im just 28,(still) medical student, so I didnt make life experiences some other guys here did, but also had to go through some shitty times.... This is what I can suggest: 1. Sell your toys !! They can be nice,important,great hobby,fun,......but not that important-now you should have other priorities-toys wont help you !! (dont know if youre gonna open your store now, but I guess its possible to open a store without havin a private collection). 2.MOST IMPORTANT POINT: Professional help Dont be shy, dont believe youre a looser or anything like that if youre gonna need professional help. Psychologists can help you in your situation. IMPORTANT !! (btw, have been at the "Psycho" a couple of times....I can only recomd this to you. (i.e you could sell 3-4 toys you dont really need to pay the Psycho for some hours or more and this could save your life). 3.Jogging(sports)...you will feel a bit better 4.Talk a lot to some selected friends(but not to 10 or more, just to 1 or 2 max) too many friends->too many different suggestions. 5.Forget about your girl if she is gonna leave you in your bad situation. (sorry, have to say this though I dont know her ) 6.Doesnt matter how shitty a/the job is, just take a job to get money. If you feel better soon, you can try to get one you really like... 7.If possible, try to take your mum to the Psychologist too ! 8.Im truly sorry for you ! 9.Wish you all the very best and all the power you need to handle this situation !
Well, that's not what I was suggesting - I think meds should be considered as an absolute LAST RESORT. My friend was depressed - nowhere near the state that some are in where they cannot function. After a few years on various meds, she is now absolutely suicidal. All the professional monitoring in the world can not change her brain chemistry back to the way it was. This is something that has been studied and not fully understood. When you can't function, you really have no choice but to explore medication, but in no way did I say that you are better off not exploring it as an option, just that if you are forced to do so, there is always this risk involved. My main problem with anti-depressants is that a large amount of patients that are prescribed them, do not really need them as they are going through normal depression, which happens to everybody. Most anti-depressants have not been properly tested over a long enough period of time as they are still relatively new forms of treatment that (due to the ridiculous state of the FDA) have been rushed through testing onto the market. Doctors get kickbacks for prescribing them, as we all know at this point. Once I saw a therapist about a reaction of post-traumatic-stress I was having. The therapist (a highly regarded, respected professional), after 15 minutes of speaking with me, handed me a sample pack and prescription of a then-popular anti-depressant and told me to start taking them. I threw them away. A year later suicides were being reported from people on the same drug that had been relatively fine beforehand. Now that I've seen the same thing in people I know, I'm much more aware of the potential risk. So, what I'm saying is that if you can still FUNCTION like a normal person (ie get out of bed, eat, sleep, etc.) then there are plenty of options to try before resorting to drugs. Also, Flankengott has a good point on exercise. This has proven to help a lot with depression. Diet is important as well!
Depression is one of the hardest things to go through, its not easy to tell people and its hard to want to do anything. I recently was diagnosed with skin cancer and did what someone on here said not to, drank. Now I have a pending DUI case, its most likely going to get thrown out, but still costing me a LOT just when I was really starting to get financially sound. The skin cancer thing is a double edged sword as I also have psioriasis so if I don't get uv treatment (tanning) my skin gets really bad, the skin cancer is not fatal as of now thankfully and is under control. As far as depression goes I used to be on meds and that didn't help really. I found focusing on myself was usually what helped. Getting in shape, taking care of things I felt were impossible even if I had to start small, balance out my head, personally I found zen books very helpful for that, doing random good deeds for people and setting new short and long term goals, always reviewing them. No matter how bad things are in life at least I still have one. Once you focus on your self the stuff will become less of a priority and it eventually comes back to you. Friends and family can help but I have to say I don't console in others, I don't feel as if others really care at all, even if they are family, it might just be a mind set I have but I am sure some other people are the same. Thats why I focus inward, thats usually where the problem is anyway.
Hey Puppetbrain, First off, I hope you feel better soon. I know that depression sucks. I have a habit of keeping bottled inside most of the time. I hate to show my feelings cause I don't know how to control it at times. I've tried taking meds before also and it helped at times, but after I got off it felt like it got worse cause my body was use to having meds calm me down. My advice is, and i don't know if this will help, but take it slowly. It may feel like everything just hit you really hard all at once, and it sucks, but remember that it's not the end of the world. It's just another wall you need to break in life to continue living your life. Like I said before, it just takes time. Try and find something you really like to do. For me, back when I went to counseling, they saw my notes full of drawings and told me "Instead of breaking things and hurting yourself by expressing your feelings, pick up a pencil and paper and draw out your feelings" and hey, it works. I guess that became my med. Again, I'm sorry for all those things happening to you, but please take care of yourself and remember that there are people here you can even talk to. "In life there are times when you get hurt by pain, but remember that all pains,big or small, will heal in time and you become stronger" -my mother Hiro
Thanks guys. I know it's bad because I have been feeling this way for awhile. I have really been fighting but I don't know where to go. I am at the point where I post on message boards because I need anything. I have tried so hard and I just have nothing left. I have no insurance now and can't go anywhere. I really really just want to sleep and never wake up. As pathetic as it sounds I know some people actually understand and I just really need some help.
If you are starting to consider hurting yourself, call a hotline. you might qualify for free help? Always remember that things can change, even at your bleakest moments, time marches on and things can get better....its a cliche', time heals all wounds...but it's pretty much true.
....dont know what it´s like in other countries, but many Psychologists have "without charge"-contingents.....all you have to do is to take the phone book and call some of them....tell them in 1 or 2 sentences your situation and let them know that your financial situation is bad. Now, calm down, sleep over it, and tomorrow you START putting effort in getting your life (almost) back to normal. Like Hiro said, just slow down a bit. Dont try to get all handled within one day...thats not possible,but start NOW (tomorrow morning) to put all the power and effort you have in changing your situation. It will work out !! Dont give up ! If its acute, good idea to call a hotline NOW !
hey I read your post and wanted to contact you.. life can be very difficult at times but no matter what is happening you can get through it. Been through lots of the shit you have been dealt & I can relate to most of what is over you right now and want to offer you some input. it completely sucks watching loved ones suffer but if you stay strong and try to keep your spirit in a positive mindset your emotional inprint will directly affect your moms. Trust me on that one. Be brave.. don't be afraid you can do it. don't blame yourself for your ex breaking up with you & don't just stop collecting/enjoying toys because of it. Let them be your focus point, look at how much amazing stuff is out these days. Jobs are not your life but can certainly help to improve your condition. Try to find work that fits your lifestyle, it helps. Spend time each and everyday finding something that you enjoy & focus on that energy, let it pull you away from the toxic elements life can sometimes deal. Honestly I get in bad moods a lot but its best to place yourself outside of that situation & reject it. Let yourself be amazed by something! I still listen to this punk band from my youth called Half Life & they had a great fuckin LP called "Never Give In" that I listen to when I get low. I will try and find you a copy, do you have a record player? As strange as it seems their singer whom I last saw or heard of almost 2 decades ago gave you some kind words 2 prior to me. You deserve everything that you desire in life its just difficult seeing through the haze at times, please try. The world is much bigger than you realize just find time for yourself even if it means spending hours looking at toys or listening to music. Depression is not you & not what you want or deserve. By reaching out you took your 1st step forward, be fearless & without regrets. Most of all remember its not you & you are not alone in this. Positive thoughts to you & if you want to talk PM me your # & I will give you a call. J
While I'm no doctor or shrink, I've been through this many times in my life (I'm 39) and here's some advice I can offer you- First realize that you've hit a bad patch and it's not a permanent condition. Life will always throw you some curves, BUT it will get better. Having said that you need to take some steps. First stop dwelling on the bad things that have happened. They will only reinforce your depression. Some things are not in your control so dwelling on them will only make you feel helpless. Next, set some small goals. Trying to tackle all your issues at once will overwhelm you. If you set small goals for yourself and start accomplishing them you will be well on the way to recovery. Soon things will come easier. One day at a time my man, one day at a time. Definitely do anything that will take things off your mind. Exercise, go for a walk, ride a bike. Last year I went through a bad breakup and rode my bike for hours during the day with my ipod. Totally helped. As far as your girl is concerned, forget her. I know it's hard but you have to. I also thought I'd never meet someone new and that the relationship I was getting out of was my last chance at happiness (I was 3 but low an behold I met someone new and I'm very happy. YOU will always meet someone new. That's just how it works. But dwelling on your old flame will only delay those chances. Reality is was she worth it? Obviously not if she leaves you in your time of need right? As far as your Mum/Cancer. Be as close to her as possible. Helping her out will give you alot of satisfaction and help you forget your own problems. Small steps, small steps. All of this will pass. Chris
I'm going to be careful and not play online psychiatrist here for your own good Puppetbrain. The best thing you can do if you have not already done so is to talk to your family or a very close friend. The next thing is to talk to a doctor or counselor and have them diagnose if this is emotional or clinical depression. I wish you the best. This is just life turbulence,, you'll get out of this storm cloud soon enough.
Hey puppet, I'm sorry to hear about your situation, because depression can be really scary. I am a nurse and I have dealt with many cases of depression with work, and I have someone extremely close to me who was diagnosed 2 years ago with bipolar disorder (her case is pretty serious), and I've gone through bouts of depression myself, so I know a little bit about the issue. I've seen the most severe cases of depression at WPIC (the #1 psychiatric hospital in the country) to some of the least serious cases such as people being depressed about failing a test. I know everyone has their opinions about things and I'm not here to argue with them, but I will tell you what I've seen help. For me personally, talking to an outside party helps (e.g. a therapist) and doing the things that I like to do (such as painting, drawing, watching movies, listening to music, and hanging out with my friends). I can't agree with the post about not taking prescribed anti-depressive medications, because I've seen them work in many situations. If your psychiatrist prescribes meds to you, the best thing to do is to ask them what exactly each medication is for. Some are for concentration, some are for depression, some are to help you sleep, and I could go on. If you are prescribed something you don't feel you need, don't just stop taking them unless they are doing bad things to you. The person who I'm close with who has bipolar disorder was prescribed an antidepressant that made her so sick to her stomach that she had to go to the ED for dehydration related to the vomiting, so she stopped taking it, told her MD she stopped taking it, and he was fine with it. Try all avenues to make you better. Some other things she does that work really well are going to a therapist that works closely with her psychiatrist. They work together to find the best plan of care for her, and since she has been diagnosed, has improved markedly, both with the use of a specific medication regimen, and behavioral modifications. She writes in a journal when she can't talk to someone about how she feels. She listens to her ipod to "get away" but not be alone (don't know if it makes sense to you), or she'll watch a movie alone for the same reason. If you feel you need to sell your toys because they make you depressed, do that. If you think it was a mistake in the future you can always buy them back. Do what YOU need to do. Clinics will help you with your situation also if you don't think you can go to a personal psyciatrist. They will hook you up with a counselor who will work closely with an MD and decide if you need meds or other medical treatment. I've seen ECT work, and I've seen it make people worse. I've seen meds help and I've seen them hurt (sometimes both for the same person), I've seen activity help and hurt. The most important thing is to not shut out ANY avenue that might help you and for you to do what you feel will help YOU. First thing I would to is to go somewhere that you can seek professional help. I know this was a lot to read, but I hope that it helps you. If you need anything or have any questions please pm me. I'll even give you my phone number if you want to talk to someone without typing. Whatever you need, you have me and a whole community of friends here that want to help you.
Very sorry to here about u're Mom's condition. It's very tough but hang in there man cuz she'll be needing u're help. With regards to u're ex? Don't fret it, u need a person that won't walk out on u when u need them the most. Someone that will accept u (& u're interests) and provide full support for all u're endeavors. Problems with money? Get help, sell your toys, work hard. Money can always be gained if u put forth the effort.
Thanks guys. I'm not planning on doing anything to myself so you don't have to worry about that. It just wears me down never being able to succeed at anything I try. I moved to SF to study animation and ended up at a crap school that didn't help but did give me 70,000 in loans. I also developed a RSI in my hands that helped to kill that dream. I met my ex who lucked in to a great job that was supporting us while I worked part time and tried to get a toy store off the ground. I was always positive something good would happen while she got more worried about it. When she finally said to me that it was hurting the relationship I through myself into finding a job asking everyone I knew and I finally landed the one I started yesterday. A week later she told me we were done the night before I was to fly to Atlanta to work a show and visit my mom. Now I have a sick mother on another coast, no home, no girl, no cat, and a job that won't really pay the bills or give me any happiness.
